Daniel David Beamish 28.08.04 - 10.08.10
Most of you will already know on 10th August 2010 My beautiful Brave Wonderful Son lost his fight to both liver disease and Leukemia.
Now i feel the need to share his last few hours with everyone. On the morning of Tuesday 10th Daniel was sleeping on a matress on our bedroom floor (at his request during the early hours of the night before) somehow the last few weeks we had managed his pain at home and that is where he really wanted to be - actually asking Michael "promise me Dad we wont have to go back to hosp".....Michael and I got up as normal but i had a feeling it might be a bad day so had arranged for Lewis to be dropped at my mums and as Olivia was on her hols it ment just the 3 of us at home, when michael left with Lewis - Daniel was still sleeping so i jumped in the shower as normal, when i got out Daniel sat bolt uprite, looked around and being a bit confused asked "im not back in their am i? (meaning hosp) so i said "No Daniel look at the windows - where are you?" once he realised we where still at home he settled....he soon started throwing up though once i had given him his meds, everything i tried he just threw up, at this point he was so weak his head was just falling into the sick bowl as i struggled to hold his head and the bowls full of vomit Michael arrived home and could see how distressed we both where, he sat with Daniel while i rang the home team (aka Macmillan nurses) i told them he couldnt hold anything down - not even the anti sickness meds so they needed to bring IV stuff. The nurses had been told should Daniel need IV we would get him back into hosp but now I had changed my mind, Daniel was so sure he wanted to be at home. It took them a while to sort out the IV stuff but they said they would be with us by midday. My sister then turned up before she was going to work and came upstairs, she hadnt been there long when Daniel showed signs of irritation and distress...we had been given medication for this, incase it happened, so she helped me give it to him (it doesnt go into the stomach it goes nxt to the gum and is absorbed almost instantly) he soon settled into what was more like sedation than sleep. Michael and i went and got all his favourite Books and Music and started talking "normally" to him and saying...remember this, and that. We played loads of his favourite tunes too and he could hear them because when some came on he made a noise that assured me he could hear what we where playing and saying. When the nurses came a few minutes after the sedation kicked in they sorted the IV painkillers and anti sickness and he was comfortable then. We asked advice on how long it would be - and she said it was hard to tell but his breathing had changed and we better get our parents/relatives we wanted here. So Michael rang his mum and Dad and brother to tell them of the situation and they both decided to come. My mum was also coming, but unfortunaltely Laura (my sis) had to leave to look after Lewis so mum could come over. Anyway, we sat Michael and I holding his hands, stroking his head, kissing him over and over telling him we loved him and how much he had changed our lives and how we would love him for eternity, but all the time i felt he was waiting for michaels parents to come. My mum had come and she too had sat with him and spoke to him about all the stuff they used to do - from baking cakes to doing "shows"! By 3.30pm Liz and Phil had arrived (Daniels grandparents) who came in and again read his favourite story to him (michael had done this earlier) after 10 mins or so they nipped for a coffee downstairs leaving my mum talking to him, after they all left it was just michael and I again holding his hands and I said to him " Daniels it time to go now baby - everyone is here, you have done all you can we love you so much and always will"....a few seconds passed and even though he had been sedated and not moved for hours, he turned his head to his Dad, and looked at me, it was like he was saying "goodbye" with his eyes, no words, but just the look. I knew he was going, i wispered it to michael, we both kissed him over and over and 20 mins after his grandparents had arrived at 3.50pm he just took a last breath and left this world for a much nicer place.
I felt his spirit leave this world, you may think its mad, you may not. But i felt his presence had "left the room" not being the end, but just moved on, his whole body now relaxed and in no pain, no more suffering - just peacefully sleeping. Michael and I both believe he is in a better place.
Goodnight my precious boy, mummy Loves you to the moon and back xxxx
Now i feel the need to share his last few hours with everyone. On the morning of Tuesday 10th Daniel was sleeping on a matress on our bedroom floor (at his request during the early hours of the night before) somehow the last few weeks we had managed his pain at home and that is where he really wanted to be - actually asking Michael "promise me Dad we wont have to go back to hosp".....Michael and I got up as normal but i had a feeling it might be a bad day so had arranged for Lewis to be dropped at my mums and as Olivia was on her hols it ment just the 3 of us at home, when michael left with Lewis - Daniel was still sleeping so i jumped in the shower as normal, when i got out Daniel sat bolt uprite, looked around and being a bit confused asked "im not back in their am i? (meaning hosp) so i said "No Daniel look at the windows - where are you?" once he realised we where still at home he settled....he soon started throwing up though once i had given him his meds, everything i tried he just threw up, at this point he was so weak his head was just falling into the sick bowl as i struggled to hold his head and the bowls full of vomit Michael arrived home and could see how distressed we both where, he sat with Daniel while i rang the home team (aka Macmillan nurses) i told them he couldnt hold anything down - not even the anti sickness meds so they needed to bring IV stuff. The nurses had been told should Daniel need IV we would get him back into hosp but now I had changed my mind, Daniel was so sure he wanted to be at home. It took them a while to sort out the IV stuff but they said they would be with us by midday. My sister then turned up before she was going to work and came upstairs, she hadnt been there long when Daniel showed signs of irritation and distress...we had been given medication for this, incase it happened, so she helped me give it to him (it doesnt go into the stomach it goes nxt to the gum and is absorbed almost instantly) he soon settled into what was more like sedation than sleep. Michael and i went and got all his favourite Books and Music and started talking "normally" to him and saying...remember this, and that. We played loads of his favourite tunes too and he could hear them because when some came on he made a noise that assured me he could hear what we where playing and saying. When the nurses came a few minutes after the sedation kicked in they sorted the IV painkillers and anti sickness and he was comfortable then. We asked advice on how long it would be - and she said it was hard to tell but his breathing had changed and we better get our parents/relatives we wanted here. So Michael rang his mum and Dad and brother to tell them of the situation and they both decided to come. My mum was also coming, but unfortunaltely Laura (my sis) had to leave to look after Lewis so mum could come over. Anyway, we sat Michael and I holding his hands, stroking his head, kissing him over and over telling him we loved him and how much he had changed our lives and how we would love him for eternity, but all the time i felt he was waiting for michaels parents to come. My mum had come and she too had sat with him and spoke to him about all the stuff they used to do - from baking cakes to doing "shows"! By 3.30pm Liz and Phil had arrived (Daniels grandparents) who came in and again read his favourite story to him (michael had done this earlier) after 10 mins or so they nipped for a coffee downstairs leaving my mum talking to him, after they all left it was just michael and I again holding his hands and I said to him " Daniels it time to go now baby - everyone is here, you have done all you can we love you so much and always will"....a few seconds passed and even though he had been sedated and not moved for hours, he turned his head to his Dad, and looked at me, it was like he was saying "goodbye" with his eyes, no words, but just the look. I knew he was going, i wispered it to michael, we both kissed him over and over and 20 mins after his grandparents had arrived at 3.50pm he just took a last breath and left this world for a much nicer place.
I felt his spirit leave this world, you may think its mad, you may not. But i felt his presence had "left the room" not being the end, but just moved on, his whole body now relaxed and in no pain, no more suffering - just peacefully sleeping. Michael and I both believe he is in a better place.
Goodnight my precious boy, mummy Loves you to the moon and back xxxx
posted by Liz at 5:55 pm
10 Comments:
Liz- thank you for sharing that with us. I can't think of a more personal time in your life and yet I am grateful that you choose to share it with us. Holding your family close to me heart.
Jill W.- Marek's mom
Liz, I feel privileged to have shared these moments. I'm sure Daniel is on your Dad's knee right now listening to his favourite story. Love to you all xxx
Liz, I think you and Micheal are the strongest people I have ever known.
I am so amazed at the strength of your family.
Thank you for sharing this with everyone. xx
So beautifully written. I am a better person for what you have shared. I am so glad Daniel was at home surrounded by family. So very touching.
LIz,
I sit here with tears rolling down my face. What a beatuiful passing Daniel had. I think you and you're family did the right thing and Daniel is one luck boy to have you both as his parents. I'm so sorry you all are having to experience the loss of such a special, brave and beautiful boy. I think of you all the time, and feel blessed to "know" Daniel. I'm glad he didn't have to go back "there" again. Please know how much I treasure being a part of your life, even if it's from far away. Christi & Caden
It's rare that these sacred stories of passing are written down. Thank you for showing us how it's done. Sending so much love to you and your family.
I've followed Daniel's story for a long time, ever since you commented on my godchild Arthur's blog, and I am so saddened that this adorable little boy has passed away.
It is amazing and so touching that in a situation of the greatest grief any parent could experience, you all have been able to live through Daniel's last months and moments with such grace.
I am so glad he died at home, in your arms and surrounded by all this love.
Few things are larger than life, but the love you have shared with Daniel so clearly is, and always will.
Hannah Markus
Liz, thank you for sharing this precious time with us. My heart breaks for you and I can't begin to imagine what you and your family are going through. What a precious little boy Daniel was.
Sharls (Ellie's mum from LF)
Dear Liz,
Thank for sharing Daniel's life with us. I have been so touched by your family over the years. Daniel was an amazing little boy because he had an amazing Mommy and Daddy who showed him such a wonderful kind of love. I am so deeply honored you shared your baby's final day with us. The day you shared was so beautiful. Daniel will be missed by so many and I thank you for letting us in on your brave boy's life. Always thinking of our family... xoxo
-Irene, Audrey and Sophia
I felt the same way when Haley left. I felt it in my bones.
I pray for peace for your family during this incredibly sad time.
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